If you think middle schoolers are tough to connect with, you’re definitely not alone. I used to believe that being “cool” or funny was the secret to building positive relationships with students. Spoiler alert: It’s not. What actually works is consistency, authenticity, and taking the time to really see them.
After more than six years of teaching sixth grade, I’ve learned that building positive relationships with middle school students isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. And the good news? You don’t have to be perfect to build them. Let’s talk about how.
Why Relationships Matter in Middle School
The Middle School Mindset
Middle school is that wild space between childhood and young adulthood. One day they’re bringing stuffed animals to school; the next day they’re worried about social status and identity. Emotionally and cognitively, they’re all over the place. And that’s normal.
Because of this developmental rollercoaster, they need adults who are steady, kind, and trustworthy. Building positive relationships with students helps them feel safe, seen, and respected. Strong teacher-student relationships are the foundation of effective middle school teaching. When students feel connected, they’re more likely to show up—not just physically, but emotionally and academically too.
Academic and Behavioral Payoffs
Students who have positive relationships with their teachers are more engaged, take more academic risks, and are less likely to act out. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that teacher-student relationships significantly impact academic motivation and achievement.
In other words: Connection comes before content.
The Right Mindset for Building Relationships
Respect Isn’t Optional
This one might seem obvious, but it’s surprisingly easy to slip into sarcasm or dismissiveness—especially during a tough teaching day. One year, I had a student who constantly interrupted. At first, I’d get short with him. But when I finally sat down and asked, “What’s going on?” he told me he was just trying to feel noticed in a room where he felt invisible. That conversation changed everything.
Respecting students—especially when they’re acting out—is what builds trust.
Consistency Is Comfort
Middle schoolers are constantly testing boundaries. If you say something is a rule, stick to it. If you say you’ll do something, follow through. I once let one group “off the hook” for a missing assignment but penalized another for the same thing. Guess who noticed? Everyone.
Consistency sends the message: “You can trust me.” Consistency in classroom management is one of the most effective ways to build trust with students.
Daily Habits That Strengthen Connections
Learn Their Names—Fast
I make it a goal to know all 100+ of my students’ names by the end of the first week. It’s not easy, but it makes a huge difference. Calling them by name in the hallway, during class, or when handing back papers says, “You matter here.”
Tip: I use name tents the first week and quiz myself between periods.
Greet Them at the Door
A simple “Hey, Jamal! How was your soccer game?” at the door can shift the energy of your classroom. These quick one-on-one moments add up. You don’t have to be over-the-top. A smile, eye contact, and their name go a long way.
Carson Dellosa Education has great posters and door décor that make your classroom feel like a warm welcome zone.
Take Interest in Their World
Middle schoolers light up when you care about what they care about. Ask about their favorite video game, YouTuber, or weekend plans. You don’t have to be into it—but showing curiosity shows care.
When we read The Outsiders, I tie Ponyboy’s identity struggle to students’ real-life experiences with peer pressure, sports teams, or family expectations. They open up when they see that literature (and teachers) understand them.
These daily interactions—learning names, greeting at the door, and personal check-ins—are simple classroom connection strategies that transform behavior and boost student engagement.
Creating a Culture of Connection
Celebrate Small Wins
Positive reinforcement isn’t just for behavior—it’s for effort, progress, and kindness too. Shout out the student who asked a deep question. Highlight the one who included someone new at their group table.
I keep a small box of handwritten notes and stickers from ABCya and let students “earn” them for moments of growth. It’s amazing what a 25-cent sticker can do.
Build Class Rituals
Middle schoolers love routines that make them feel part of something. I do a Friday “Shout-Out Circle” where kids compliment each other’s efforts or attitudes. Some classes have their own slogans or joke of the day. These rituals build community—and community builds behavior.
Foster Peer Relationships Too
Students won’t thrive in isolation. Use turn-and-talks, think-pair-share, or quick collaborative games to help them feel seen by each other—not just by you. Consider doing team-building activities regularly (you can find great ones on IXL’s education resources for both ELA and social-emotional learning).
Encouraging peer connection helps create a more positive classroom environment where students feel safe to be themselves.
Use Tech and Tools That Engage and Connect
Gamify Without Losing Purpose
Using gamified learning platforms like ABCya or IXL for bell-ringers or exit tickets can build a fun classroom culture where learning feels personal and interactive.
Even classroom management tools like ClassDojo or Google Forms for check-ins can help students feel heard in non-verbal ways. These platforms can also support positive middle school behavior by giving students structured outlets for participation.
Offer Personalized Help and Support
When students know you’re willing to go the extra mile, they return that effort. I offer 1:1 check-ins during silent work time or at lunch for kids who are struggling.
Platforms like Wyzant are also great to recommend for extra tutoring if students need additional support outside the classroom.
One of my best teacher tips? Use tech to listen to students, not just to teach them.
What to Do When Relationships Strain
Don’t Take It Personally (Even When It Feels Personal)
Middle schoolers are still learning emotional regulation. If they snap, roll their eyes, or shut down, it’s usually not about you. Stay calm and let the moment pass. Later, pull them aside and say, “Hey, you okay? Want to talk?”
The goal isn’t to be right. It’s to rebuild.
Apologize When You Mess Up
You will make mistakes. I’ve snapped at kids before. I’ve been unfair. But owning it, in front of the class when needed, teaches students the power of humility and accountability. That alone can strengthen the relationship more than if the mistake never happened.
Proactive Strategies That Set the Tone
Create Safe Space for Expression
I keep a “reflection station” in the corner—just a small desk with a notebook and emotion check-in slips. It gives students a way to communicate without confrontation. Some write, “I’m mad today but don’t want to talk.” That’s enough to start a conversation later.
Model Being Human
You don’t have to be the perfect, all-knowing adult. In fact, students trust you more when you’re appropriately vulnerable. Share that you also struggled with math growing up. Tell them you get nervous before public speaking too.
And yes, laugh at your own bad jokes. It makes you real.
Relationships Are the Real Curriculum
At the end of the year, my students rarely say, “I loved your grammar lessons!” (even though they were solid!). Instead, they remember how they felt in my class. They remember how I made them feel seen, heard, and safe.
Building positive relationships with middle school students doesn’t mean lowering expectations. It means raising connection so expectations can be met with more trust, more resilience, and more joy.
Try This Tomorrow
- Greet students by name at the door.
- Ask one student about their weekend plans.
- Celebrate one quiet student’s effort.
- Reflect on how you show consistency and care.
Small steps build strong bridges.
Additional Resources
- Rosetta Stone for Schools – a great tool for ELL students or to connect with students’ home languages
- Carson Dellosa Education – classroom décor, growth mindset posters, SEL resources
- Wyzant – tutoring recommendations for families
- ABCya – fun games that reinforce skills in a relaxed way
- IXL – skill-building that adapts to individual learners
Want More Tips Like This?
Check out these related articles:
- Inclusive Classroom Strategies for Middle School: The Startling Secret to Engaging Every Student
- Unlock the Amazing Secret to Stress-Free Classrooms with These Teaching hacks for Middle School Teachers
- Are Your Struggling to Keep Students Really Engaged? Check Out These Powerful Educational Apps for Middle School Students
